3.17.2015

Tuesday Tea with Mistress Snark


Catherine Stine was scheduled for today but the Green Room backstage is having some interdimensional difficulties. Catherine will return as soon as we find out where we misplaced her. Apologies for any inconvenience.

In the meantime, Mistress Snark and Jezebel will be fielding questions from our gentle audience so let us begin!

Mary: Where did you train?

Mistress: Down the rabbit hole, of course, at the Caterpillar Academy for Immortals and Magical Creatures. I have Professor Cheshire Cat to thank for my success while there.

Carol: Is Jezebel going on a diet?

Jezebel: Snurof noch tikoba ru!

Mistress: Oh, dear. Jezebel said something about orifices and congealing goo. I’m afraid the original Underworld dialect is too colorful to translate for our audience. And Carol? Please be wary of any packages you might receive from Jezebel. Moving right along…

Angela: What the dickens is in that punch?

Mistress: I’m afraid Jezebel will never divulge that information. I can tell you that she picks only the finest ingredients, fresh from the demon marketplace in the Underworld.

Ellie: Does Mistress Snark have a first name?

Mistress: I do, although if I tell you I’d have to kill you. Next question?

Julie: Let's dish: Why is she a mistress and who's the lover?

Mistress: Inter-dimensional Queen of Everything sounds a bit pretentious, don’t you think? As for lovers…I’ve had many over the centuries.

Ron: Jezebel, do you love me as much as I love you (and your punch)?

Mistress: Jezebel often tells me about the special regard she feels for you, Ron. Suffice it to say, you occupy a large section in each of her twin hearts.

Elephant’s Child: Have you ever considered taking an apprentice?  If you have, Jazz and I would like first dibs, even knowing that if we are ‘fired’ that our bones will melt and the pain will last an eternity.  We are cheap though.  I require nothing more than punch, and Jazz is happy to fend for himself (though slow moving guests should be wary).

Mistress: We hadn’t considered an apprentice but rest assured, you will be placed at the top of the list. Is Jazz willing to chase down some of Jezebel’s wiggly recipe ingredients? They can be rather hard to corral. And just so you know, large quantities of punch can mask the pain of melted bones…

Sheena-kay: Is Jezebel a birth name or a nickname. If it is a nickname how did you get it?

Mistress: Jezebel has always been named that. She named herself from the moment of her existence, although she doesn’t live in linear time so I can’t tell you when that happened. Or will happen. Time loops give me a headache...

Jeff: Did Jezebel really have her way with Milin, Tassin and Sessin after slipping those poor dwarves that punch? And does Father Dragon know?

Mistress: If the dwarves are staying mum on the subject, who am I to share their innermost delights? As for Father Dragon, I think he suspects as much. It might have been their inability to concentrate when they returned to the cave. Or their chanting. Hard to say which.

Christine: *flashes a badge* Where were you last night between 10:00 and 11:30?

Mistress: I can’t tell you. Top secret and all that. Here, have a glass of punch, Officer… *waves at the gray-coats backstage and points to Christine*

I hope you’ve enjoyed our time together! Be sure to come back next month. This blog will be participating in the A to Z April Challenge and Jezebel has a special event planned for April 21st, in which she uses the letter R to confound the other members of Untethered Realms.


29 comments:

  1. Ron is of course quite right. And not alone. I too love Jezebel and her punch and Jazz would really, really like to become her.
    And is more than happy to chase down wriggly ingredients - or guests.

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    1. EC - Some of the guests do become unruly. Jazz could have his paws full. ;)

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  2. Oh great Mistress Snark is back ... and can quite understand Catherine getting lost in the Jezebel universe that resides alongside ours somewhere ... too many wormholes, perhaps she ate too much cheese .. blue or Cheshire ... delighted Jezebel will be A-Zing with us mere mortals .. cheers Hilary

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    1. Hilary - So many guests get lost on the show...although most are recovered eventually. Jezebel is looking forward to the A to Z!

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  3. Is there anything we need to do to help locate Catherine? I sure hope she's okay wherever, whenever, or whatever has become of her.

    And darned if I was hoping to get that punch recipe lol!

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    1. Angela - I'm sure Catherine is enjoying her time in the netherworld...or at least she won't remember it.
      Many have tried to get the punch recipe. None have ever succeeded.

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  4. Jezebel, there's no need to get snippy. Congealing goo? Really? Ha!

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    1. Carol - You know how Jezebel gets. Although, snippy is her "gentle" mode. She was in a good mood that day. ; ;)

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  5. I did so enjoy learning more about Jezebel. Though the Chief is really needing a statement. Maybe you could take him some of this delicious punch? *falls over*

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    1. Christine - I do so hope you recover from whatever Jezebel put in your punch. You'll need your wits about you to escape from your inter-dimensional holding cell. Those gray-coats take their job seriously, you know. The Chief could find himself in there with you if he persists with his questions.

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    1. Julie - So glad you enjoyed it! *refills Julie's jumbo size punch glass*

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  7. I'm afraid for Catherine, but enjoyed the questions and answers. I think it's better not knowing what's in the punch.

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    1. Mary - Rumor has it that Catherine is "comfortable," but the source is somewhat unreliable. As for the punch, I think we're all better off not knowing.

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  8. So much fun! And Inter-dimensional Queen of Everything doesn't sound pretentious at all, especially when the title fits. :)

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    1. Cherie - I suffer from a false sense of modesty. Perhaps I'll adopt the title as rightful homage.
      P.S. Don't tell Jezebel. She might decide to claim it first.

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  9. Thank you, Inter-dimensional Queen of Everything, for the heartfelt thoughts from Jezebel. No, I don't want to know what's in her punch -- I just want to drink it again, and again, and again. What's happening in my dimension? I wish I knew.

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    1. Ron - I love that title and have decided to keep it! Don't worry about what's happening in your dimension. Rest assured, Jezebel's got your back...and will be shipping you a lifetime supply of punch. Please remember to tip the demon delivery service. They get more than surly when stiffed.

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    2. I'll have a generous gratuity ready! Thank you, Jezebel!

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  10. Great read. Loved the questions. Adored the answers. Can the punch be ordered online? (smile)

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    1. Dixie - I'm so glad you enjoyed it! As for the punch, Jezebel is working on an online ordering system. She should be done with it in 20 years or so. Sometimes extreme patience is required when dealing with those who live outside of linear time, you know...

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  11. What were they chanting? "Jezebel! We won't tell!" (I think those dwarves are a little short on concentration.)

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    1. Jeff - I'm not familiar with the language they were chanting in, but they seemed deliriously happy while they danced about!

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    2. And Zenon was the first to disappear since the Ninjas danced. We didn't see him for months. I sent the others to look for him and this is what I got. No need to read minds to figure out where they have been when they arrived singing "Pretty mamma, come and light my fire" in old dwarvish.

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    3. Al - Jezebel is still humming that song when she thinks I'm not listening. Don't be surprised if you find her returning to the cave for another visit soon. Tell the dwarves to expect her. ;)

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  12. A good laugh, and I'm here, I'm here, just trying to keep my head screwed on firmly as I run around, way to busily. I am scheduled for Miss Snark next month, am I not?

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    1. Catherine - Ah, it's good to hear from you! The maelstrom has released your essence at last. I can tell that the space-time continuum still isn't quite right though. You are scheduled for May, as April is the A to Z Challenge. ;)

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  13. Looking forward to the letter R.

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What's happening in your dimension?